How Tasty was my Little Frenchman

Moving Sale

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 06:22:10 GMT

I'm switching livejournals. Won't be writing here anymore, I think. Go to surgicalfocus from now on. Hmm...this almost makes me sad. It can't be helped.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 11:45:41 GMT

Lots of stuff in the past week. By which I mean I'm not writing about it here. Niemi has forgone any sort of politeness and randomly decided to stop talking to me completely. Whatever. The Alley Theater's doing a production of The Crucible, my english teacher's been pushing it on us and I kind of want to see it anyway, so we should go to that.

I am totally not doing my english paper right now

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 05:00:25 GMT

Results back from VASE. Mine, of course, did not make it to state. Not surprising. Sarah Jung's and a lot of other really good ones didn't make it either. Rather shocking. The ones that did make it were either just pretty good, okay, or in some cases shit. I'm pissed. Only two of the digital graphics pictures I remembered made it, Racheal Cummingham's self-portrait from last year- her other entry was better, and some other thing that was an exact copy of a picture printed straight off the internet. Wtf. Where's the "creative process" bullshit in that? Copying someone else's picture is lame and it's cheating. The piece didn't even look good, at least not in comparison to most of the other ones I saw, and especially not in comparison to Sarah Jung's. Are all art judges retarded? Yes.

Joy for Zara's defiance of parental authority in favor of her own happiness. Hope it goes well.

Another boy essentially called me a whore again today. Actually, it was just that he assumed I was "really experienced" from completely impersonal conversations not related to that topic we had sometimes during lunch on Thursdays last year. He was surprised today when he asked if I was a virgin and I said yes. Like, totally omfg. Especially since this guy is generally very nice and more perverted than I am. Even as he said it, it was almost not completely insulting, and I laughed. Is it because I don't screech and cover my ears at the mention of the word penis like some girls, or do I just exude "whore"? Great. Find me a goddammed convent.

Hmmm....english paper.

Nail Clippers

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:51:21 GMT

My new health class is filled with disappointing people, I hate them all. The teacher especially, who went to A&M and managed a 0.9 GPA there the first semester. She has a voice louder than my mother's, and talks about food a lot.

die die die.

I miss my psychology class.

Sometime recently, my perspective on society in general changed dramatically. I'd like to be away from people entirely, though. Since I can't really do that, sleep is a good alternative. When I sleep it's either a comforting blankness or a dream, and I always have fucking fantastic dreams. I wish I could draw them.

I want to find a boy who doesn't make me feel ill every time I talk to him. Ideally, this boy would enjoy wearing ties, be amazingly talented, witty, intellegent, brave, capable of a wide range of emotions, ability to adopt a perfectly cultured southern drawl in a moment of urgency, functioning penis, unintimidating, uninhibited, philosophical, open, a person who lies, but with honesty, sarcastic, not sappy, anti-public affection, affectionate, calm, not so stuck up that he can't even laugh properly, enjoys shopping?, reasonable, girly-ish, ever so slightly gothic, ever so slightly poetic, masochistic, not mean, asian, if possible, and most importantly, he would look good in a bowler hat. That's not overly picky, right? Really, the only absolutely important things are in bold. I am completely willing to overlook the penis part if there is anybody else interested. See if you can guess which parts of this paragraph apply to/result from my parking buddy. I promise a treat to anybody who makes even the slightest effort.

"there's a traitor here beneath my breast, if my heart could beat, it would break my chest"

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 02:12:56 GMT

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit- only a few more hours left before we go back and I feel totallly deathly ill. Kind of like not being able to breathe properly, needing to vomit a lot but not managing it, and everything being most unpleasant. Oh god, Finley.

This makes me think back to the New Years Eve party I went to Friday where I didn't really know anybody, had to watch Meet The Parents (seriously, what the hell is so funny about repetions of the name "Focker" every few minutes? I kept turning my head away from the screen and resisting the urge to hide my head in hands because that movie is so painful to watch- am sooooo not seeing Meet The Fockers), and endured a stunted, uncomfortable conversation with Alyssa Sharp via the phone. Throughout this, I felt mildly ill for no apparent reason, but I ignored it. Later, they started playing loud counrty music, and I knew I was sick. So when Meenu needed to leave, I decided to drive her home and not come back. I told the hostess thank you and stuff so I wasn't rude, but I don't think the rest of them cared if I left or not. Although I do think Erik/ca Churin seems pretty cool; I could like her very much.

After I got home the constant pain somewhere in my stomach/bowel/uterus area went away pretty quickly. Makes me wonder if my body is really that sympathetic with my mind or if it was an angry, repressed attack of gas (but I didn't fart, nor did I feel the urge to). Early cramps? I did not imagine the pain. Weird. Stupid. Oh, and the best part is that I can't remember my locker combination. shit

Why do people kiss at midnight? No point

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 23:43:52 GMT

Went to Zara's house, spent the night there Wednesday, and I am so jealous. She's only 15 minutes away from everywhere in Houston, and Memorial itself is pretty cool, too. We did some really minor shopping, wherein I purchased Edward Gorey's Amphigorey Also with the gift card Zara gave me at Disney World in fucking March. Took pictures of her house this time, lots of them. The house was supposed to be done by now, but it's not much farther along than it was in August and the new completion date is sometime in June. Technically, she could have stayed in Kingwood for another year. Lame. Lots of talking, excessive amounts, in fact. We had an excellent shouting match in the car about my blatant hypocrisy. I maintain that I won. Am worried I might be a fag hag? Next time, we will go bowling.

Zara's dad seemed surprised we weren't staying for more than one night, but I had work on Thursday and having 2 extra people in an apartment gets kind of crowded. He invited us to stay for a more extended period of time once their house is done. Seems like a mini-vacation.

At work, only 7 freaking kids came. For a while during the last hour and a half in which absolutely no one came, I helped the instructor come up with words that begin with K. I don't think that she, a former kindergarten teacher, liked my "kill" suggestion very much.

Going to a New Year's Eve Party with Meenu (thank you) tonight. Except that she has to be home by 11:30, so WTF? Eh, better than spending the whole night with a bunch of band kids I don't really know. Happy New Year, everyone, except for Mr. Countryman. Maybe he'll die of alcohol poisoning tonight while masturbating into an empty beer bottle. Happy New Year, indeed.

they shouldn't have shot the baby

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 06:11:44 GMT

To put it crudely, and in a most inappropriate, vulgar manner, christmas was...lucrative. Phrasing it that way makes me think "eww"- kind of like the movie I just watched, Dogville. My parents spent too much. I am however, enamored with my lovely 120 color set of prismas, with which I spent 25 minutes comparing and rearranging the colors. There's other stuff, of course, but if you gave a damn, you'd ask me.

I have spent the last couple of days working on an art project I hated the second I started it, and the last several days before that improving my mind with extensive shopping. Brainless, but fun. Have decided to try wearing stockings for the winter. Something I've been trying to convince myself of for the past month suddenly became much clearer whilst watching Dogville. Not that it's such a great movie, but it helped me define what my problem has been. Someone's been tampering with my perception of human nature, too, and that never helps. I find my whoremoanal drive is fading. This is very good. I hope.

A happy thought: This boy who sat infront of me in Psychology last semester, Chris Heath, was saying something about wanting a relationship based entirely on sex. An admirable pursuit I'm sure, but being so blunt about it is much too unseemly- very few girls at this age would risk responding to such an invitation (not even me). I would suggest that he convince some stupid girl that she is in love with him. He'll get much farther that way. Hahahaha.

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 03:34:07 GMT

Wheee.... I've actually been busy recently. Mostly just going places with Meenu, but that was fun.

Niemi finally gave back Fear of Flying, which I lent him sometime in April and I'm remembering how much I am connected to that book. I belive it to contain the origin of my asian fetish- speaking of which, this morning I saw some asian guy at Kingwood wearing a tie, What joy! And even better, he had a pretty corduroy jacket on, too. I followed him for a bit, but only until I reached my destination, and then reluctantly went to take the Physics final. Mayhap I will see/recognise him again next year.

I also found this beautiful book in Rice Village titled The Pleasures of Philosophy. It's a compliation of essay-type things by various philosophers, and seems quite promising. The first essay proves that Christianity is suck.

One final thing- the Culture Shapers contest sent me an envelope with comments from the judges on the piece I sent in. Three out of four of them are really great reviews, but the last asshole only gave me an "excellent" rating on one of the graded sections and the rest he put as fucking "average". To make it even better, he didn't even bother to comment at the bottom to explain why he thinks I suck so much (which he is supposed to do). What's the point in giving me back the comments if there aren't any? I wish him intense physical pain for the rest of his life, especially when he pees.

I will be pretending to be a good person tomorrow by volunteering at HAAM for a while. I wonder why I bother, I'm going to Hell anyway.

Is the bunny dead?

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 22:55:00 GMT

This week is stupid, it should be removed from existence.

I asked my art teacher if an old photograph of a cow and my sister would be appropriate for rodeo art, but she told me that it wasn't "texan" enough. So I looked at the other pictures available for rodeo art drawings and decided that I hate horses and I'm going to draw the picture I have and not enter. Witherspoon said we don't have to draw things for the contest, but I think she's pissed at me anyway. Oops.

My english class is amazingly fun to listen to, not participate in.

I'm getting sick.

I don't know if I've slept the past two nights or not.

My secret santa gave me a ridiculously large penis-sized candy cane.

I drew a limp rabbit hanging from my name on the pyschology wall today. I love that class. Niemi and I did a small partner assignment that I promptly lost and then did over again a week after it was due. Herbst gave it back to us today with a 100 on it. Take that, Jesus.

Am considering which art class to take next year very carefully. If sculpture didn't look so stupid, I might take that. As it is, I have the joyous option of drawing 3, painting 3, or two possible AP art classes next year. Satan scores again.

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 19:25:24 GMT

It seems like a lot of stuff has happened this week that doesn't really matter, but seemed important when it happened. But I went to the band Christmas concert on Friday, which was nice. Possibly because I only went to hear the two best bands and only stayed for Symphonic. What the hell with the masses of stupid people coming in 20 minutes late for a half hour concert? After Symphonic played, Meenu and I hung out at starbucks for a while, where we saw 2 sets of band couples and Aly Stanley. Aly Stanley apparently knows "a lot of inherently evil people", or at least she did on Wednesday when she said so. Perhaps they numbered in the group she was there with? I hope so. After drinking about half of the worst hot chocolate anybody has ever bothered to shit in, I had to go home, so we left. Then, sleep.

I think I'm looking for a new hobby. Aim and being online so much has kind of lost its appeal and something must be done. My dad has a welder that I think I might put to use. Or at least try.

a deep shade of red

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 02:36:13 GMT

I really want to see the Edward Penis-hands porno movie.

The problem is how I would go about doing this without involving unnecessary external variables that would lead to embarassment. Ah, a thought.

Elizabeth, dearest sister who loves me sooo much, would there be any chance of Edward Penis-hands being found and downloaded from that mightily convenient DC++ UT program that allows you access to free media? Don't be embarrassed, you've already downloaded lots of shitty stuff (which I enjoyed, by the way). You can't have any more shame left. Plus, you're in college, you'll never get to the health center if you don't start somewhere. Help your little sister.

http://www.dresdendolls.com/

So many asian boys, but alas, none in ties

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 17:56:52 GMT

Back from Austin now. It was good and I saw a shit load of movies while waiting for my sister to finish her classes. She can download them free from some UT network, so I watched movies I always secretly wanted to see but would never pay for. By the way, Lion King 1 1/2 is much better than you would assume. Except the beginning and ending, those can die. The first night I got there my sister's roommate and friends came over and we watched Pride and Prejudice with an abudance of lesbian jokes. Later, a bunch of guys came by, including Victor Ho I think, but I can't really remember that because it was late and I feel asleep. More stuff happened in between that you don't need to know about. And now home. I finished Billy Budd but still have Killer Angels and The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail to read, plus my picture for art. Damn, yet I have no intention of working very hard to complete any of it. Would rather go do something with people- anybody up for it?

this only took me 8 minutes to write

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 22:21:35 GMT

*Have You Ever
1) kissed your cousin: my cousins are hicks, no
2) ran away: I will
3) broken someone's heart: no
4) been in love: fuck off
5) cried when someone died: don’t care
6) broken a bone: No
7) drank alcohol: Not a lot of it
8) lied: only once
9) cried in school: of course not, what reason would I have to cry?

WHICH IS BETTER:
10) coke or pepsi: carbonated sugar sucks
11) sprite or 7up: sprite, less annoying ad campaign but I still don’t drink it
12) girls or guys: eh, girls can suck, but boys are assholes, it’s a draw
13) flowers or candy: flowers are prettier
14) scruff or clean shaven: scruffy, because it’s funny to see what high school guys call a beard
15) quiet or loud: loud people suck
16) blondes or brunettes: dyed hair
17) bitchy or slutty: this question makes me feel bad
18) tall or short: taller than me
19) pants or shorts: skirt

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
20) what do you notice first: hair probably, because it’s the most prominent, but really it’s hands, I like touching hands
21) last person you slow danced with: Hahahaha- I’ve never bothered really bothered with it, but the first was some shit-ass scary guy from band camp, and the other was James
22) worst thing to do: fall in love or have a child- I’m paranoid of getting pregnant

THE LAST TIME:
23) showered: this morning
24) had sex: with someone else or myself?
25) had a great time with the opposite sex: shit

WHAT IS:
26) your good luck charm: the world shits on me and I pity myself
27) person you hate the most: don’t hate anyone
28) the best thing that has happened to you today: I bought a new straigtener because my other one killed itself

FAVORITES:
29) color: Dark Grey
30) movie: lots of them- all emo
31) book: lots of them- not all emo
32) subject in school: God, it’s sad when I can honestly say that most of my academic classes suck this year. I’m going with art.
33) juice: cranberry
34) cars:mine
35) ice cream: strawberry
36) holiday: halloween, of course
37) season: the coldness of fall/winter
38) breakfast food: don’t eat breakfast
39) music: don’t know- counting crows, third eye blind, sarah mclachlan, cranberries?

DO YOU EVER:
40) sit by the phone waiting for a phone call at night: I am not that sad
41) save internet conversations: I am that sad
42) save emails: no
43) wish you were someone else: I’ve wished someone else were me
44) wish you were a member of the opposite sex: sure
45) cried because of someone's mean words: hahahaha

BEST:
46) cologne: ew
48) kiss: not much competition
49) day of life: a few
50) most recent advice given to you: “smile, merry”

DO YOU:
51) color your hair: just did
53) have piercings: not really
54) have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Not really- ass
55) own a webcam: stupid
57) ever get off the computer: duh
59) habla espanol: no, tu eres una cualquiera
60) quack: wtf

HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU:
61) stolen anything: no
62) smoke: just say no
63) schizophrenic: meh
64) obsessive: YES
65) compulsive: YES
66) obsessive compulsive: YES
67) panic: Not so much
68) anxiety: YES
71) obsessed with hate: I hate hate
72) dream of mutliated bodies, blood, death, and gore: Only in a necrophiliac kind of way
73) you could be anywhere, where would you be?: montauk
74) can you do anything freakish with your body: whore it out

Sometimes.
75) what facial feature do you find the most attractive: everything as a whole
76) would you vote for a woman candidate for president: depends on the candidate and if I could vote
77) would you marry for money: among other things
78) have you had braces: yes
79) have you ever eatin fish: yes
80) do you like hairy backs? On bears
81) could you live without a computer: of course
82) do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list, etc...? um, aim
83) if so, how many people are on your lists: don’t know
84) if you could live in any time period, which would it be? The past seems attractive until I consider the toilets available then- now is fine
85) do you drink enough water: I guess
86) do you wear shoes in the house or take them off: always off
87) what is your favorite fruit: I like most fruits
88) do you eat wheat bread or white: my mom doesn’t buy white bread
89) do you kiss on the first date: never been on a “date”
91) do you dream in color or black and white: technicolor
92) are you wearing fingernail polish: nope
93) do you have any dimples: not where you’d expect
94) do you remember being born: no
95) why do you take survey's: to bore other people
96) do you drink alcohol: no
97) what is the best accent: anything that I can’t understand
98) who do you want to kiss: Guess. I bet you’re wrong.
99) do you like sunrises or sunsets the most: the twilight time when my ultra-white skin glows funnily
100) do you want to live to be 100?: never
101) is a flat stomach important to you: ? hahaha
102) are you loyal: when I care
103) are you tolerant of other people's beliefs: No, comform to me or die
104) when you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? whatever
105) do you have nightmares frequently: no
107) do you think you can draw well: in relation to most KHS students, indeed
108) at what age did you find out Santa Claus wasn't real: nobody ever told me he was real
109) how many pairs of shoes are in your closet? Enough to fill it
110) do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like variety? I change mine
111) do you write poetry: don’t write anything
112) do you snore: Don’t know. Haven’t slept with anybody regularly since before 1st grade
113) do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? All of them
114) dog/cat? Whatever bites less
115) do you lick stamps: no point
116) do you use an electric can opener? losers
117) have you ridden in a hot air balloon: too Wizard of Oz
118) which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain: I’m so fucking emo
119) favorite TV show: TV sucks
120) do you know anyone who is clinically depressed: Yeah
121) do you prefer a piano or violin: French horn. Or saxaphone,
or bass, or oboe, or piano.
122) are you a sex addict? Is a slut a sex addict?
123) do you know someone who has cancer? yes
124) do you like to argue: hate it
125) do you hunt: ew
126) do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants: Don’t like eating in front of people
127) would you rather vist a zoo or an art musuem: either one
128) do you have a middle name?: sure
129) are you basically a happy person: not anymore
130) are you tired?: no
131) did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: no
132) how many phones do you have in your house: I only need one
134) do you get along with your parents? God, no
135) what color of eyes do you prefer: my own (egotism), but it doesn’t really matter
136) first name: Meredith
137) were you named after anyone?: No
138) do you wish on stars?: if I could see any while living out in the suburbs, then still no
139) when did you last cry: it is possible that this happened recently
140) if you were making a movie about yourself, what would the title be?: nobody would ever make a movie about me
141) do you like your handwriting: I love it
142) who do you admire and why?: Ludwig Wittgenstein, because he’s a fucking genius and you suck
143) what is the #1 priority in your life?: find some loser to love me
144) what is your favorite lunchmeat? Turkey’s good, because those birds don’t deserve to live
145) any bad habits: lots
146) what is your most embarrassing CD? Depending who I’m with, lots
147) if you were another person, would you be friends with yourself: no, because I’d probably be unfriendly and not make eye contact with myself
148) are you a daredevil: I have some balls, and then I don’t
149) have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? I cannot think of anything important
150) have you ever stolen anything: I think this was asked before
151) do looks matter: I look bitchy, you look dumb
152) have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid: it always does
153) do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: there are many colors in the homo rainbow
154) do fish have feelings: do fish have fingers? (like, chicken fingers, or fish fingers, dumbass)
155) are you trendy? I’ll say no
156) how do you release anger? I never get angry, just really pissed off
158) do you trust others easily: too much
159) what was your favorite toy as a child?: vibrator
160) what class in school do you think is totally useless? AP Psychology
161) do you like sappy love songs? As long as they don’t make me cry
162) have you ever been on radio or television: don’t want to
163) do you have a journal: a public one
164) do you use sarcasm a lot: meh
165) have you ever been in another country: Parts of Europe and Toronto.
166) what do you look for in a girl/guy?: being able to stand his company and a working penis
167) what is/are your nickname? Merry, mosey, mer-mer, merry with an ‘e’, dithy (mom), others that I can’t remember
168) would you bungee jump?: why not
169) do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: nope
170) what are you worried about right now?: not much
171) do you think you are strong?: I’m a girl, endowed with all the inherent weakness of the female frame
172) what's your least favorite thing in the world: being treated like crap and then having a bunch of witnesses to it
173) how many wisdom teeth do you have? None left
174) what would you change about yourself: everything
175) i need: to sleep
176) i find: bobby pins everywhere
177) i want: to be intangible
178) i have: curly hair
179) i wish: I wasn’t so awkward
180) i love: you
181) i hate: you
182) i miss: Erica Wong
183) i fear: snakes, drowning, failure, being alone, pregnancy, public speaking…
184) i feel: old
185) i hear: music
186) i smell: a shampoo in my hair that doesn’t smell as good as my normal one
187) i wonder: why things turned out this way
188) i regret: when I hurt people
189) are you glad this is over?: no
190) are you mad that its not?: no
191) ok its over for real: This isn't a question.
192) but dont you think we should go to 200? meh
193) favorite cartoon: south park
194) favorite day of the week: not Tuesdays or Thursdays
195) favorite game: love is just a game
196) favorite word: shit
197) favorite swear word: same
198) favorite question asked here: doesn’t matter
199) what would you do if there is a question 201? Not respond to it
200) you really think its over now? No, one more
201) ha now you have to do what you said you would do on 199: I am not your slave- bastards

Don't like the smell of the shampoo

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 01:02:16 GMT

This week sucks less than last week so far. Rapture. Unfortunately, Niemi's still intentionally trying to make me cry, I keep not sleeping/sleeping too much, and I still hate the human race.

I dyed my hair on an impulse today. Actually, I thought about it on Friday and waited to get an appointment, but it's still a technical impulse. It's darker now, but not blackish or even that noticable, except for these really small blondish things the hairdresser put in while I wasn't paying attention. When it frizzes, under the light the frizzies turn red. Think I like it. Also the only time I've gotten to sit under one of those big hair dryer things that surround your entire head, like what you see in media from the fifties.

This week I found out Corey reads my livejournal. Hi Corey.

Jennifer's birthday is on Monday, but (unhappy face) I'm going to miss it. Therefore, Happy 17th Birthday Jennifer, now. I will get you a present, a real one. And eventually I'll get Niemi's too (oops).

Zara, did you mean that you'll be here this Friday or next Friday? I don't understand.

Hmm. Have been staring at my hair and noticed that at the bottom it's all a uniform dark color. Undyed, it has multiple shades of brown running from nearly black to blondish all in one lock of hair. This feels weird.

stupid

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 13:40:52 GMT

Craptastic week! But I finally saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. My mom, of course, slept through it. The Oslen Twins are ugly. This is just an excuse to change my icon.

Incest or Having to wipe my ass?

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 04:56:32 GMT

What an absolutely craptastic day! Doesn't matter. I went looking through old picture albums looking for pictures of New Orleans, but ended up with lots of pictures of me and my sister instead. It wasn't purely egotism, since there were no pictures of New Orleans like what I had in mind and we were just so fucking cute. Really. Matching red jumpsuit things, headbands, drool, and all. Included in this was a series of incriminating pictures of my 3 year old sister trying to change my diaper. As she did so, my legs were up in a prophetic pose while the rest of me was completely naked. Granted, I was a nine month old baby, but I was smiling the entire time. Really big smile. That made current-me laugh. I would post the pictures, but they're probably too hardcore for our sensitive viewers. I'll draw a picture of it later instead. Oh, and I didn't make the top ten for the drawing contest. That's okay, some of the ones they did pick are horrible. Rachael Cunningham got into the top ten in painting, though. Yay.

kel fromage

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 21:32:52 GMT

I have done at least part of what I wanted to already this weekend. Not enough, because I keep falling asleep and because my mother is dumb. Maybe trying to stay up late would work better if I started drinking caffeine, but then again, no. There has to be a better way.

Took reference photo things with niemi saturday afternoon. When I asked him about it on Friday, I guess he didn't understand what I meant and then got pissed when he got there yesterday and figured it out. I let him take pictures of me in compensation, which was shitty because there are more pictures of me on my camera than of him (because he stole my camera).

Went to some old clothing store in the heights after that. It was fun, lots of weird, costume-like clothes. Has filled me with a desire to get a "God Listens" t-shirt from the christian radio station. Oh, and I found a actual corset, 2 of them, in fact. But I didn't get one because, well, what the fuck do you do with a corset?

On the way back to the car, we walked through a used furniture store. They had a small stack of 10 year old Playboys sitting on a stood, of which I of course promptly picked up the top one and started flipping through the pages. I didn't see anything bad, but only because most of the pages were stuck together. Like, 20-30 pages at a time stuck together. And then I put the magazine down. Ew.

Marching season is officially over. I expect to eventually start seeing Meenu in a social context, possibly even have a conversation between us. If she reads this, and needs further Inducement, then she can ask me what The Inducement is.

wish I felt like this all the time

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 03:11:50 GMT

No homework tonight. First time this has happened all year.

God, so many things I want to do this weekend. Like,

-Go shopping downtown

-Take a really long walk

-Watch this supposedly psychotic japanese horror film, Audition, somebody told me about

-Most especially I want to go to the Heights and take reference photos at Glenwoodmont Cemetery. I love all the pretty headstones- want to draw them.

-Lots of other art stuff

- Maybe do something with other people- please?

- Buy a better razor

I feel really happy right now. Therefore, I'm going to go take a nap, wash my hair, and then see what else I can possibly do before my mom gets pissed that I'm not in bed.

Oh, and I think I get to spend the first few days of Thanksgiving vacation in Austin with Elizabeth, and at least 1 night there without my mom. Kick ass.

Both Literally and Figuratively

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 07:07:53 GMT

My art teacher scared me today by saying my name really loudly at the beginning of class. Thought she was going to yell at me for my current suck ass picture. Actually, she was just telling me that I made the top 20 finalists in the Culture Shapers drawing contest. Which is pretty damn cool, but only if I make the final cut. They pick 10 winners, who get money, and the other finalists get "honorable mentions". That's probably what I'll get, even if a lot of the other drawings aren't so great.

Draw me a star.

Mine is the one that says Meredith Mosier under it. A really big head. Hm. It's weird looking at my own work on-line. Too Scary.

But I'm pissed because they fucked up the color on their thing somehow. Like, there are these streaks in the hair that definitely weren't there before, you can't tell that there's a ton of purple in the face and hair, and the mouth region looks like one big preternaturally red gash, but there's really lots of different red and pink shades. Plus the teacher did a really shitty job with the matting (black thing surrounding it, bad outline around the bun). And nobody will understand why there are two little bumps right underneath my mouth. I don't know what they are, but they're there. Other people don't know that.

Rachael Cunningham is in the finalists for painting, but her picture looks screwed up on-line, too. Like, it's all red-ish and not so good. I like it really close up.

Paint me a rainbow.

Oh, and the photography part is good too, even if niemi declined to enter his picture. View the "wonderland" picture close up, "it looks magical".

Capture the moment.

Samhain

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 17:16:47 GMT

Happy Halloween. My favorite holiday. No family stuff involved.

This week sucked ass. Kept trying to work on my english essay, but it didn't work out very well, and I ended up working 2 full nights and disregarding all other homework in favor of finishing it on time. My mom read it over the morning it was due and told me "You're going to fail this."

FUCKING THANKS, MOMMY DEAREST.

Not that I disagree, but she doesn't need to tell me that. And in ignoring all of my other homework, I created a hellish situation for myself the rest of the week trying to make it all up in time. Might not have done as well as i could have on my spanish test. Am positively guaranteed to have failed my pre-cal test as I kept falling asleep in class when she was going over it and I didn't finish all of the homework. But I think I did pretty well on the physics test. On the last one, I got a 93, one of 4 As in the entire class (8 Fs). First period only had 1 A. That makes me temporarily superior.

Niemi got pissed at me 3 times this week. I was "bitchy". Which is funny, because I've always been a bitch and I've always been mean, but generally people don't yell "Shut Up" at me every time I try to speak because of it. I'm sure most people just think it. Abusive bastard, quit being so damn sensitive. I hate you.

Sarah Jung told me that I have too much negative energy. Too bad I think the concept of having some sort of aura is stupid.

I wish somebody loved me. Does anybody have a good costume for tonight?

I left the light on

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 06:31:19 GMT

I spent most of tonight watching the old murder mystery, Murder on the Orient Express. Despite completely improbable clues, situations, and a ridiculous outcome, it was good. Good as in it scared the shit out of me several times. Who needs stupid modern thriller movies when you can watch psychological murder mysteries set in 1930? I approximate that by the time I'm 25 I'll be well versed enough in these mystery movies to know how to commit the perfect murder. I'm not kidding. Hahahahaha. I'll probably start with you.

You are dumb

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 06:35:37 GMT

I'm discovering that very few of the little boys at Kumon are not already assholes. I only like about 2 of them, and even then, one of them is so uptight that he cried because his mother forgot his homework (not that important) and the other one is just too dazed to realize that anything is going on. I think the second one is either dumb or on too much medication, because parents do that these days. Basically, this means that all little boys suck, they suck from an early age, and they continue sucking into adolescence and beyond, right into being of a grandfatherish age, when, just like the other boy, they become too dazed or too over medicated to realize what's going on. the little girls are just so fucking cute, though.

Hmm. When things happen during the week, I usually think about how I might eventually put them into my live journal, but I can't ever remember them later. Like now.

Oh, but Tuesday night, after coming home from work I completed the majority of my homework, but accidentally fell asleep in the doing of it. Woke up rather frantically at 4:30 am and realized I had less then a third of my history time line done. Oh my god. Worked on it insanely until I realized that there was no way to finish it in time, so I had to beg my mother to let me stay home from 1st period and call Niemi to tell him to drive himself to school. I worked on it for all the time I missed from first period, and still didn't finish it completely. I think when I was done, I had like, 6 pages of notes, front and back. Sarah Jung only had 2. Shit.

This was the first time I have ever not had an assignment done in time, and the first time I have ever skipped school for any reason. Hell, I'm barely ever absent. Had to avoid Shults the history teacher for the rest of the day, which was shit, because my fifth period class is right next to his and he likes to stand out in the hall in between periods. Had to be sneaky. Need to be more efficient and organized. The next time this happens, my mom says she's going to make me "face the music," and if it happens again after that, then she's going to make me quit my job. Great.

"Light from Above, Light of Faith"

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 03:03:01 GMT

PSAT tomorrow morning promptly at 7:30 and lasting 4 1/2 hours. How excessively tiring. I don't understand the history time line. And I didn't finish reading The Scarlet Letter like I was supposed to. But my darling sack of flour is doing well. His name is Meriwether Micheal, and because no one will believe immaculate conception coming from me, my child is a bastard and his father is uncertain. However, I drew him a face that almost looks asian. Not really, because I'm not that good.

My self-portrait has been entered into the Cultural Shapers contest. If you win, they like to give you a lot of money. And the best part is that I looked at the previous year's winners last night on-line and most of them sucked, which means I have an excellent chance!

Oh, and the fortune in my fortune cookie said that I have a light of my own, and to let it shine. If only. Good luck to anybody taking the PSAT tomorrow.

"smile!"

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 02:31:51 GMT

Yes. This is an excellent weekend, and the best part is that I still have one more whole fucking day of it. So far, not that you care, but I have:

-Seen the director's cut of Donnie Darko in one of the only theaters in Houston playing it. Oh, and while I was at this particular theater, I read part of this "Out Smart" homosexual magazine. Apparently, the best place for lesbians to shop in Houston is at Foley's, the best place for gay men to shop in Houston is Nordstrom's. Appropriate.

-Cleaned most of the house. Nobody here even fucking noticed.

-Went to my mom's friend's house for a party honoring the lady's new granddaughter. Oh my god, it was such an ugly baby, and everything it did was just "sooooooooooooo adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!." It's thumb sucking was pronounced cute. It's ability to grow a minimal covering of hair was cute. Oh, and the baby leaving a tablespoon of drool on my shirt when I was forced to hold it was REALLY cute. I mostly just thought about how I was surely about to drop the baby on the floor where it would start wailing while everyone else glared at me and tried to pacify it That didn't actually happen, but only because I sneakily passed it off to one of the millions of old ladies there who were dying to hold the squishy little crap shoot. The best part of the entire party was when 2 different people told me to smile, so I did. And then I left quickly.

-Went on a walk and engaged in various illegal activities with Zara on Saturday night

- Went places and engaged in even more illegal activities with Zara and Meenu this morning

-Have been on 3 walks in 2 days, because it feels so perfect outside

-Did homework- ewwww

-Am thinking about painting the 10 pound flour bag we have to use as a baby in psychology so that perhaps I'll feel a bit more attached to it Right.

-Am wondering what the hell I'm going to do for Halloween

-Am dreading the yet-to-be assigned english paper, even if we haven't finished the book yet

Yes. How dreadfully boring. But they all seem like fun if you're actually doing them, all except for the baby thing and the last one. English sucks ass. Have a fun last day of your holiday, anyway.

Arsenic and Lace

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 17:36:34 GMT

I've been listening to my parents argue about politics this morning. Contrary to normal behaviors during such conversations, it was actually a pretty good debate from both sides. It's kind of weird, though. My dad is a staunch Republican and my mom is basically a Democrat. Both are voting accordingly. So they were arguing about it, and because my dad always gets really loud when talks about this stuff (really, even when no one's contradicting him- I guess he knows that no one else in our family agrees with him- he's always yelling when he talks about politics- stupid) I heard it and started paying attention. They didn't know I was listening. Everything they said made me think about Frodo and Gandalf in the Fellowship of the Ring.

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

I wish I were younger again, and that everything weren't so screwed up. But really, even little kids can't escape the political bullshit now. Am disillusioned and desperately wanting to read Lord of the Rings again. It made me sad when it became a movie series, I didn't want to share.

For some reason, I'm incredibly proud of the fact that my copy of the trilogy is from when my dad was in college, around 1973, and is weathered and used to the point where it's almost fallen apart. I use what used to be the cover of the Fellowship book as a bookmark.

I think I might be a romantic. Not in the stupid, sappy sense, but the way we've been studying about in English. With that in mind, I'm going to go take a walk now.